What’s your Sexual Bucket List?
So, okay. This is going to be entirely self-serving and possibly a little TMI, but whatever. You’re on a website that reviews gay porn. Everything here is too much information, so deal with it. Anyway, here goes: There are lots of different types of guys I’d like to fuck in my lifetime.
First, let’s forego how slutty that sounds. The chances of this happening are slim to none. But just humor me for a bit.
1) I want to get fucked by a gymnast. Think about how amazing that would be. Like, for real. Have you seen what Jonathan Horton’s body looks like when he’s on the rings? It’s ridiculous. It’s beyond ridiculous. All the stuff they do on the high bar, and the pommel horse, and the floor exercises? Can you even imagine what it would be like to get in the bed with one of those guys? Like, their entire life is cardio and strength exercises. Now imagine your ass is the pommel horse, and they’re only allowed to use their dick. Think about what they do on the rings, and how that could apply to sex: slow controlled strength moves followed by quick bouts of spastic yet perfectly choreographed action. Just think about it. God, I love the Summer Olympics.
2) I want to get fucked by a construction worker. I know that sounds a little Village People of me, but recently there’s been a lot of road work outside of my apartment and I’ve had a birds eye view of this guy I refer to as Mitch. Think about if Jon Hamm were a roughneck construction worker, and that’s what Mitch looks like, only incredibly tan from spending all day toiling in the sun. I look at him with all his muscles and beefiness and I’m 100% positive that he would shag me like no one’s business. It would be like a bull in a china shop, except the china shop is my ass.
3) I want to get fucked by an artist. Like, a painter. I think there’s just something incredibly hot about the idea of meeting an artist in his studio where he’s been working all day, wearing some low-slung, paint-spattered jeans and a ripped tank top, and being tossed town on a still-wet canvas and fucking like rabbits, and then in a month when he has a gallery showing, seeing that painting up on the wall and knowing. Just knowing.
4) I want to get fucked by a friend’s hot dad. Here’s the thing: Incest is hot. I won’t lie. Rather, the idea of incest is hot. I’m not going to fuck my dad or my brother (maybe my hot step-cousin to whom I’m related by marriage), but the idea of fucking a friend’s hot dad is close enough. Imagine having a sleepover at your friend’s place, getting up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and on your way back to your friend’s room, seeing your friend’s hot dad laying supine in his bed, raging boner in hand, and he calls you in. Oh my god can you even imagine?!
5) I want to get fucked by a delivery man/utility services man. Honestly, any guy who stops by your place for a seemingly random thing (cable hook-up, DSL hook-up, “I’ve got a package for ya”). The very thought of dropping to my knees for the UPS guy (seriously, have you seen them? They’re hot!) is enough to get me a little damp. Same thing with any utility services man. It’s like a random nooner; a little somethin’ somethin’ to get you through the day.
So…what about you? What’s your Sexual Bucket List?
-Stephen
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