People I’d Fuck: An Ongoing List…
Own your sexuality, people. Everyone has a list of people they’d fuck. This is mine, and why.
#1 David Boreanaz
1. David Boreanaz, because he looks like he’d work you over good and leave you exhausted.
2. Liz Phair, for the same reason.
3. Robert Pattinson, because it would make me feel dirty in a lot of ways, but mostly in the important way.
4. The Janitor from Scrubs, for reasons I can’t explain.
5. Bill Clinton.
6. I’d let Bear Gryls do whatever he wanted to do to me, up to and including pissing on or around my body.
7. Superman, even if it would wreck me.
8. Joe Manganiello, for every reason I’ve already listed for everyone else and because I feel he’d toss me around and say the filthiest fucking things to me, and that turns me on.
9. Gonzo from The Muppets, because freaks make the best lovers.
10. Michael Cera, just to see if he makes that face during sex
11. I’d let Seth Rogen play with my balls for five minutes.
12. Anybody on the US Men’s Gymanstics Team.
13. I bet Sean Penn could hatefuck me like no one’s business.
14. The Beast, from Beauty and the Beast, because for some reason he’s hotter than when he’s the Prince.
15. Ben Affleck, but Ben Affleck from when he was with J. Lo.
16. Viggo Mortenson, but only if he dressed up as Aragorn from Lord of the Rings.
17. I’d let Matthew Fox, Josh Holloway and Daniel Dae Kim go at it at the same time.
18. John Krasinski. I feel like that’s a given.
19. To keep it porny, Cameron Marshall and Christian Wilde because I’ve seen what they can do and I like it.
#22 Rahm Emanuel
20. I’d let Chelsea Handler sit on my face. You would too, and you know it.
21. Ben Cohen and anybody Ben Cohen brought along with him, because if I had Ben Cohen on me at all everything would be beautiful and nothing would hurt.
22. Rahm Emanuel, because he looks like he knows how to do things that nobody else does.
23. I’d let Alexander Skarsgard touch me in all the places.
24. I’d let Ryan Kwanten find new places he could touch me.
25. Stephen Moyer can watch.
26. I’d give Justin Bieber a handjob just to see how big his dick is.
27. I feel like Tom Cruise would calm the fuck down if he got a good blowjob. Katie Holmes.
28. Joss Whedon. Not because I find him attractive, but because I feel like I owe it to him for Buffy, Angel, Firefly and Dollhouse.
29. I feel like JC Chasez from NSync is hung and I need to get on that.
30. Vladimir Putin, just to piss off Sarah Palin but also because he looks like he could kill me with his penis and that’s kinda hot.
That list is by no means exhaustive, but it’s a good start. What about y’all?
-Stephen
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