Food, Sex, and Food & Sex
I’m hungry and horny, so naturally I’m thinking about food and sex. At first I was just thinking about food and thinking about sex, but my mind tends to combine things (which is how things like “cheesebear” and “assbutt” turn into my personal, favorite insults) so now I’m thinking about food and sex and at what point somebody decided to combine the two for real-real. I bet it was accidental. Like, one day someone accidentally spilled some chocolate syrup on someone’s chest and decided the best way to clean it up would be licking it off. And then, boom: food with sex.
How does one decide, though, the best foods to utilize during sex? I’ll readily admit that I’ve never involved edibles with me sexing. I like getting dirty and sweaty and sticky the old-fashioned way–a.k.a. sex—and I easily worry about things. I don’t want to be on my back wearing my shoes as earrings and thinking, “What’s going to happen with that peanut butter in my ass?”
I don’t know if people actually put peanut butter in their asses and I don’t need to, either.
But that just goes to prove my point. Other than the obvious, the easy choices, the gimmes (I’m talking chocolate sauce, cherries, strawberries, whipped cream–anything you’d put on ice cream–and for that matter, ice cream), what works as sexy foodstuffs and what does not? I’m assuming you can pretty much cross out any vegetables. Or meat that is ground up. Gum, probably. I mean, do you want anything that could create a bubble ending up in any orifice that could blow a bubble? I mean, queefing and farting is embarrassing enough as is, and then you add Bubble-icious to it.
Honestly, I’d be laughing too hard the entire time to really enjoy the employ of noms in the sack. Like, I’d want someone to shove grapes up my ass, just so I could shoot them out like a machine gun. Because that would be hilarious. Or, y’know, worrying about what happens when I get chocolate sauce, whipped cream and watermelon chunks stuck in my ass. What does that trip to the ER look like? Also: bananas.
So those of you who like to munch while you pound…gimme some details. Tell me what you eat while you’re eating out. And be descriptive.
-Stephen
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